Overlooking26’s Weblog

I think I feel closer to people who met me when I was vulnerable

I have a hard time getting close to ladies

Honestly, I have a hard time getting close with men

They always take it the wrong way

They always think there’s more going on

A phenomenon I really don’t understand

I am not sure if you know enough about that side of me

I know there’s things we won’t know going in

But I’m a little freaked out

I know I was the one pushing

I know I wanted this

And I still do

I can question it but still want it, right

I don’t understand where this idea of absolute certainty came from

What in life is completely certain

I’m not a shit if I’m unsure

I just am confident that I don’t know everything that’s ahead

Isn’t that smarter

Knowing you don’t know

Instead of thinking you know it all

And then getting utterly crushed when it changes

I’ve been there before

I won’t do that again

Its weird how quickly I’m feeling so domestic

I want to be with you all the time

I’ve never had someone I liked so much

For so long

Aren’t you scared that’s going to change

I mean I’m sure you’re scared

But once you’ve decided something

You just seem so decided on it and comfortable with it

I adore that about you

Even if its a facade

I can’t convince myself the way you do

But I am happy

And I look forward to those days

I just have commitment issues

I get scared cause of my past

Which I know isn’t fair babe

How do you make it go away

I want you all the time

I’ve never felt so close

You’re so sweet and caring

I’m overall excited

There’s just always those slight apprehensions

I guess

Am I a bad person cause I acknowledge them

There’s so much looming

So close

So out of reach

I am not a patient person

Does that mean I am not a virtuous woman?

I’m not even sure what exactly the definition of virtuous means

I used to thrive on my lack of conformity

These days those wars seem less important

And I hate to say it, but less mature

There’s something about grey that brings me acceptance and makes me humble

I want to make a difference

I’ve just realized that I don’t know everything

I barely know anything

We’re not taught to be great thinkers anymore

We’re taught to negotiate the TV and the Internet

Not the inner workings of earth and science

We’ve lost that inquiry of the space that’s all around us

The simple things, the basic things

Are actually quite fascinating

I’m learning to appreciate silence more, calmness

This calm before the storm is a true test of that