Overlooking26’s Weblog

I have never hated anything so much

This place makes me disgusted

With everything that is around me

The people,

The mechanics of the job

The inability of others to do a job successfully

That requires so little from me to do it flawlessly

The smell of alcohol on his breath

And his clothes every morning

It makes me hate alcohol

It makes me never want to touch a drop of it

And affect someone else’s day by my debauchery again

I hate his triggers

The parts of his brain that have failed him

The way his father has enabled his behavior

And allowed his dis-function to create familiarity

I hate how it’s allowed

And we’re expected to negotiate his insanity

I hate the deadbeat idiots

That parade thru the office day in and day out

With such agony over the nonsense I call a job

I hate the shooting, stabbing pain in my shoulder

And my wrist everyday

I want to walk

I hate that something as ridiculous as money makes me stay

I have so much to say

I really do

I just haven’t had the time to think lately

I flipped the other night

I woke up at 2 AM to a sickening, panicky feeling

So intense I couldn’t get back to sleep

I started crying and tossing and turning

Finally, my efforts were rewarded

The sweet man next to me awoke

Asking what was wrong in his half awake state

Its the scariest craziest most exciting thing ever

You know

I mean who knows what it’s going to be like

Who knows how I’m going to be like

It’s really going to be this all-encompassing thing

And I’m glad for it

I’m in need of lots of it

But in my mind it has this distant looming-ness to it

It’s so not real yet

I haven’t done much to prepare for it

I mean the last two years have been preparation

But how do you prepare for the unknown

You just gotta jump in

It’ll be nice to have the summer off to mentally prepare

It’s just so vague